The Enneagram has the potential to be a powerful tool for growth. I find that a lot of people—those who have heard of the Enneagram at all—know very little about it or only know the social media memes. This pop culture version of the Enneagram, while fun, hides the full potential of the Enneagram. Many folks feel a strong aversion to personality tests or typing systems, because they don’t want to be boxed in. But when we use the Enneagram, we’re really figuring out the ways we’re already trapped.
The other thing I enjoy about the Enneagram is that learning about all of the types—not just your own—helps you better understand that your version of autopilot is not everyone else’s. The things you take for granted about life are not the same things others do. The Enneagram helps to spell that out in a concrete way that helps us better understand our loved ones and our relationships. One of my favorite aspects of learning about the Enneagram has been when I’ve been reading something about my type and thought, “Wait, not everybody thinks/does/feels that??”
What even is Enneagram?
Let’s pause for a second, especially for those of you who have never even heard of Enneagram before. Here are the basics: Enneagram is a personality typing system that has nine basic types, represented by the numbers one through nine. Each of these nine types has three subtypes. There are no better or worse personalities in Enneagram, only connections between them. You are one type throughout your entire life, though you may resonate with more than one.
Each of the nine types is defined by a core fear and a core motivation. Who are you, really? What drives you? What do you desire? Do you go to anger, fear, or shame first? What is your go-to escape from the difficulties of life and your hard feelings? What parts of you do you keep hidden from yourself?
For example, type ones are called The Perfectionists, and their primary drive is to perfect themselves, others, and/or the world. Their primary desire is to be good and have integrity, and their primary fear is being bad, corrupt, or evil. But when you start getting down into the details of the type, you learn how that might actually express in terms of lifestyle, behavior, emotions, belief system, and goals.
How do you know what your type is?
I’m not going to describe each of the nine types, as honestly, there are better resources out there for that. And that brings me to how I typically recommend folks type themselves: for themselves. There are many tests available out there—some free, some paid. My personal opinion, however, is that you get far more out of your typing experience—more general knowledge and more self-awareness—if you type yourself through your own research and conversation.
Typically, because I value clients having their own understanding of each type and the system overall before we discuss it in-depth in session, I ask clients if they’d be up for doing some research on their own.
Here’s what I recommend they do: go to The Enneagram Institute website. Navigate to the Learn tab, then Enneagram type descriptions. On this page, you’ll see each of the nine types with a few associated keywords. Read each of these. Note which types, even from just that basic information, feel like a sure no. Note which ones you’re unsure about. And definitely note if there are any that give you an “oh, no” icky feeling inside.
Then read the beginning of each of the types that you’re unsure about or think you might be (or if you really want the most information, read all of them!). Again, notice how you feel in your body as you’re reading. I always say that the type description that makes you feel the most simultaneously seen and attacked is likely your type. Usually it’s a combination of that icky feeling and a warm, fuzzy, wow-that’s-so-me feeling.
If you get stuck between two or more types, the Enneagram Institute also has a helpful page called Misidentifications. You choose two types and then read what the similarities and differences are, plus why people often mistype as one or the other. If people want to do their exploration via a physical book, I often recommend Chestnut’s The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up. For each type, she has brief descriptions in story form, plus a bullet-pointed list of traits and behaviors.
Once folks get to a point where they have at least some research under their belt, this is when I would re-enter the conversation. You don’t need to definitively know your type before we begin discussing it in therapy, however. Through dialogue (and my expertise in the system), I can also help clients type themselves. These conversations are often quite rich, as I learn a lot more about clients that I might not otherwise learn, and clients learn a lot about themselves, too. I can also help clients understand how the subtype system works—the three subtypes per type that I mentioned at the start of this post. That system is honestly more complex than this one post has time to get into.
How do you use Enneagram to grow?
Okay, yes, types, Enneagram. But how are you actually growing from this, not just cementing your personality? I believe, for one, that learning that the key aspects of how you move through the world and experience things are a personality, not just the way things are or how everyone is, is huge growth in and of itself. Typing requires some humility, grace, self-acceptance, and curiosity. Engaging with yourself in such a vulnerable way teaches emotional resiliency in an experiential way. Can you handle such a raw, real mirror? And sharing with your therapist about it—if you choose to—is also an exercise in vulnerability.
Once you start diving in further into the system, you learn all about your type’s shadow side. Looking at this shadow side of your personality, behavior, and feelings helps you to pull conscious what was once subconscious. This gives you a lot more autonomy over the choices that you make in the world, because you can begin to work on what is in your subconscious. Instead of your personality operating on autopilot, you become aware of your personality and its mechanisms. In time, the system and therapy combined can become a powerful way to help you shift gears away from what causes you the most suffering.
The Enneagram charts paths of growth and stress for each type. Even on The Enneagram Institute website, each type has a list of potential areas for growth. Again, I also highly recommend Chestnut’s The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up, because she focuses specifically on how to use Enneagram for growth.
But using the Enneagram for growth is an individualized, personal process, similar to therapy. Typing yourself and exploring your core type in and of itself can be therapeutic. Then we explore how you want to use Enneagram for growth, because that’s what’s most important. To try to show a little bit of what that might look like, I’ll give you a fictional case study.
Fictional Case Study
Hakim loves helping people. He’s always pleasant and kind, offering his time and services whenever others ask. On the inside, however, Hakim feels resentful, frustrated, and not seen. He believes he’s a good person and he doesn’t understand why he’s unhappy. So, what happens now?
Hakim may discover that he is an Enneagram 2 – The Helper. His core motivation is to be loved, and his core fear is being unworthy of love. But although this Enneagram type has a good reputation, there is no hierarchy of personality in Enneagram and there is a shadow side to every type.
Perhaps Hakim and I work together to better understand what he is avoiding about himself. It might be that Hakim has an elevated idea of himself—he believes he’s a martyr. Maybe Hakim serves others, but he does so because he needs to feel indispensable to feel safe. He contorts himself to be what he believes others need and lives off of external approval. Then, if they don’t meet his needs how he believes they should in return, he feels resentful, but refuses to express that resentment out of fear of abandonment. Hakim and I would explore all of this together with the utmost care and compassion, working to better understand why he is how he is and does what he does. We would discuss what his growth path looks like—how he needs to care for the wounded parts of himself and build authentic relationships by moving from pride to humility.
Some Final Thoughts
I think I’ve made clear here that I’m a fan of the Enneagram. But I also hold everything really lightly. If the system doesn’t resonate with you, then that’s more than okay. Some folks have a visceral reaction to it because they associate it with Christianity. What I will say to that is that the system is not a Christian system—it’s just become popular in modern times in Christian circles. But if that’s too much of an ick for you, well, then, that’s okay! I only ever use Enneagram with clients who are enthusiastic about doing so.
Everything about this process involves autonomy—you lead it. It is more than okay for you to say that something about your core type description doesn’t resonate. That’s part of the growth journey, too. I don’t use the Enneagram as the end-all, be-all, definite way of understanding all people. It’s just one of many tools we can use to enrich and enhance our lives. And there are many ways to use this one tool. Not to complicate things too much, but one of the things I enjoy about the Enneagram is that philosophically, we all have aspects of all nine types inside of ourselves. Our core type is simply the one that is dominant. And part of the growth of Enneagram is learning how to incorporate the healthy aspects of other types into your personality.
If you’ve made it this far, I hope you’re feeling excited to dive in and learn more.
Want more in-depth resources?
The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso and Hudson
The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up by Chestnut
The Complete Enneagram by Chestnut
Essential Enneagram by Daniels